Undulate: A Hot Age Gap, Single Dad Romance (Alchemy) by Elodie Hart

Author:Elodie Hart [Hart, Elodie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-04-18T16:00:00+00:00

I walk John back across the road and sit on a damp wooden bench in the churchyard. There was no need for him to mention the word love just now. No reason at all. Nobody was talking about that.

And I’m still not convinced that the kind of irreverent chemical highs I scaled last night inside Maddy’s body are the most wholesome kinds of happiness. But they’re sure as hell effective. It’s fair to say the only times I’ve found true peace these past couple of weeks have been when I’ve had my hands on her.

The girls bring me happiness every day, of course. But it’s a bittersweet happiness, tainted by the relentless pain of knowing they can never be perfectly happy without their mother and of wishing she was here to enjoy them with me.

I got to live.

To stay.

She didn’t.

And that’s the crux of the matter. So when I’m lost in my numbers, or showering my daughters with love and support, or raising money for cancer research, then I can live with myself.

When my donations buy me several hours of the darkest, basest kind of pleasure, I can live with myself a lot less well.

That said, John was right. Maybe I’m being a pompous arse about all this. He tends to have a more wholesome, hopeful outlook than the rest of us. He doesn’t need to know that my ‘unspeakable things’ pact with Maddy is purely based on our physical compatibility and not on anyone’s aspirations for a long-term, meaningful relationship.

Still. Last night alleviated a truck-load of stress. It was a fucking miracle. If I got out of my own way and allowed myself to enjoy Maddy’s beautiful body and infectious company without letting guilt eat me up, then maybe I’ll be an all-round better colleague and father and less of a pain in the arse.

And even if the rest of it isn’t true, I can’t deny last night was explosive, electrifying, in a way I’ve never, ever allowed myself to experience.

She’s electrifying. And she seemed to enjoy herself. I allow myself a moment of satisfaction as I play a montage of Maddy’s orgasms in my mind. Plus, none of this is her fault. She’s just after a good time—she doesn’t want her fuck-buddy going all existential on her.

And I want to do it again.

That’s the essence. No matter how loud the cacophony of guilt and shame and self-recrimination is, and no matter how much I hate to admit it, the desire is greater.

I want to do it all with her again.

I pick up my phone and type before I can talk myself out of it.

How are you feeling?

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.